April 16: Dear Diary
For a split second I felt free. No obligations, no deadlines, no worries. And as soon as I was about to let myself embrace it, I started to tear up.
Something about the blossoming trees and glittering rocks in Central Park triggered some emotional breakthrough. I have all these things circling my mind and my ego just doesn’t think it’s enough. When is enough, enough?
My mind has officially reached breaking point. So much so that the problem really is not a lack of time, it’s a lack of space and mental clarity. I skipped my noon class on Friday – again. Constantly, I am searching for time. Constantly, I don’t find enough. At times when I should be researching in the library I find myself mixing a margarita and watching Sex and The City – and while all that is well and good, my responsibilities collect dust on my cluttered desk.
My problems seem small. Maybe it’s just a part of growing up; we all struggle at some point or another, grasping and dangling onto hopes and passing opportunities. It’s just, for me, so much harder to settle for things as they are. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to sit still. The world has so much to offer, why not reach for the stars – I mean, are there any stars that are just too far away to try, are some better left to wish upon? I don’t know – I at least didn’t think so. I suppose only time will tell.
I’m now making it a point to hike uptown and spend the afternoon in Central Park at least once a week, for the sake of my sanity. There’s nothing like a breath of fresh air to kickstart and refresh.