June 4: The Bliss of Freedom
A series of unfortunate events occurred where Mercury went into retrograde, I was moving back home to Maryland and I needed to finish up my last week at work while prepping for final exams. Lost in translation happened to be my magazine subscriptions. As Mercury would have it (or maybe I should stop blaming planetary alignments and start holding myself accountable by saying I procrastinated), my magazine subscriptions A. had already been delivered for the next month to my apartment in NYC, or B. the site crashed and wouldn’t register my change of address. So here we are, admiring my works of art, if you will, from a few months ago. Luckily, I can still relate.
I had done this in a series of three. I don’t know what possessed me to do so, but I did. When I make collages it’s always for the intention of getting my feelings out in the open; I get lost inside my own mind, unaware of the movement in my hands, incognizant of any intentions of design.
I want to say this was done in March. I’m not exactly sure, and that’s besides the point. I think in some way I was looking at the clothing and the free-flowing freedom the models possessed in them. And also the gorgeous Edwardian influences that I admire. Maybe I was looking at the elements of nature and the wholesomeness I attribute to florals and wilderness. Regardless, today I find these applicable to what I’m feeling – freedom.
I’m out of the woods. I have inhaled fresh air, I have let my hair get knotted in the wind. I feel satisfied enough to raise my arms high and twirl around. There are multiple factors that may have brought on this sudden sense of bliss, and I’m not sure I even want to analyze it. Right now, I’m just embracing it – reveling in this bout of great creative energy, optimism, and positive drive.
The last few months had gotten me into a weird funk of melancholy. I was completely lost in myself, and really unsure of what direction I even wanted to take. I made decisions that I thought were right, and were not. I hesitated and tripped on my own two feet. I sat around, undecidedly, waiting for life to happen.
It doesn’t matter what it was or how it happened. Today I am free, I am blissfully free. After months of agonizing unclarity, I have again found purpose. And I think I owe a lot of it to making things like these collages; nothing relieves the soul like rediscovering yourself through something you love.